ALT
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ALTtwitter has been completely broken for several hours. hilarious.
i admittedly would find this much funnier if my career wasn't sort of counting on twitter, but it's still pretty funny.
EDIT.
OH.
MY GOD.
ITS NOT BROKEN
HE DID IT ON PURPOSE
Daughter of fantasy villains decides to rebel against her parents by actually going through with her arranged marriage to a local golden retriever of a prince instead of running off with some local villain-to-be or conquering said golden retriever’s kingdom and ruling it solo like her parents expect her to. Plus, sue her, she’s into the clean-cut earnest look.
At the same time, local prince charming discovers that he’s actually very into the gothic fiance his parents have landed him with in order to try and establish peace with the local evil lair down the lane, he would never have guessed a spiderweb pattern could look so fetching on a ball gown…?
Meanwhile, two pairs of parents in a tizzy because they both expected their offspring to whole-heartedly reject this union and give them an excuse to conquer their goody-two-shoes/evil neighbours, they’re not supposed to actually like each other-!
respective friend groups undergoing culture clash like all of prince charming’s knights are like what vile spell has been used to ensorcel our prince. we must be on our guard for surely this is but a ruse for an assassination attempt
meanwhile the villain bride’s friends are all like clearly he loves you not, why do you persist in a manner that will ensure your own heart break, i mean if he was taking this seriously there would be at least three assassination attempts by now. it’s like he doesn’t even notice that you have massive amounts of dark power to covet for his own
smashcut to
fully armored knight, clanging through the hallways in attempts at stealth, blades drawn: i’m just saying, i took an oath of protection. this feels wrong.
prince charming: it’s not wrong, it’s celebrating cross cultural traditions for my beloved bride
knight: it’s attempted murder
prince charming: it’s a loving attempted murder
@chucktaylorupset Meanwhile the bride has a bouquet of roses, cornflowers, and wheat sheaves on her desk in her room, and she’s not coming out until she’s written a beautiful and moving poem about how they favourably compare to her groom. It’s been three days. She’s gone through an entire raven’s worth of quills (unethically sourced). The ‘toads who used to be my friends’ list has gone up by one. But she’s bent dark forces and eldritch spirits to her will and, by the powers obscene, this will not be the thing that breaks her.
Sorceress friend: Please, just get him an amulet that will double his power at the cost of his soul, no one’s worth this.
Rebellious villainess: (nearly in tears) No, he brought his best knights to the castle and tried to kill me last week, at midnight, I can’t ignore something like that! He even kicked Cathulhu!
Sorceress friend: He nudged it with his foot. And then he apologized to it. In tears.
Rebellious villainess: (actually in tears now, for reasons of feels instead of poetic torment) He’s trying so hard!!!
parallels: MEMORIES & AGING
I wake up every morning with the years ticking by
929 - halsey || when facing the things we turn away from - luke hemmings || some kind of disaster - all time low
this was an unpopular take in recent history but i truly believe it is possible to care about your friends and acquaintances and be a good friend while simultaneously hoping their lame ass boyfriend (theres always one) dies in a boating accident or falls into a well or smth
I suspect that one day, The Crimes of Grindelwald will be of interest to scholars, if only as a case study in how a liberal author thinks that indoctrination into a right-wing hate group works right at around the time that she herself is actually being indoctrinated into a right-wing hate group.
Anyways, hands-up if you think that Fantastic Beasts 3 will retcon Grindelwald’s movement into a heavy-handed analogue for cancel culture. Maybe throw in a depraved transsexual.
Fantastic Beasts 3 is still going to happen?! dang girl, cancel culture does not do shit
Fun fact: Fantastic Beasts 3 happened last year. You didn’t even hear about it, because that’s how few people went to see it.
